I walked in this week and there was cake.
Cupcakes too.
Someone had remembered it was my birthday.

I didn't expect it.
I'm not sure I ever do.

There is a part of me that braces.
That walks into a room ready for the day to be ordinary, or hard, or both.
So when the day turns soft instead, it catches me off guard.

But what really got me was the small bag set off to the side.
Treats for Jaycee.

They didn't have to think of her.
She wasn't even there.
But someone did.

There was a plant too.
I keep a windowsill of them at work, a small growing row I look after.
And now there is one more to tend.
Something living, handed to me because someone thought I would care for it well.

A friend gave me a little dachshund for the garden.
A small one, made to stand out in the yard in all weather.
So now there is a Jaycee outside too, keeping watch over the flowers.

And it kept going all week.
People fed me and remembered me.
Friends are taking me out this weekend to keep the celebrating going.
More kindness than I knew what to do with.

I have spent a lot of my life believing I have to earn the good things.
That kindness is something you trade for, or deserve, or work hard enough to be handed.
It is a hard belief to put down.

But a cake you didn't bake, a plant you didn't buy, a meal you didn't cook — none of it runs on that.
It just shows up.
Because someone was glad you were born.

I am trying to get better at letting that land.
At not explaining it away.
At standing in a kind moment without bracing for the bill.

Maybe you know that bracing too.
Maybe you are also someone who is better at giving care than receiving it.

This week, people fed me and remembered me and even thought of my dog.
And I am choosing to let that be what it was.

I gave Jaycee the treats when I got home.
She has no idea it was my birthday.
She just knows that sometimes, for no reason she can name, good things arrive.
I would like to learn to receive the world the way she does.

With love,​​

P.S. This week in the Sunday Push, the question is about receiving — the small kindnesses you tend to wave off, and what it would mean to let one of them in. If this letter touched something, that is where to take it next. Your first month is free, then $6 a month.